How should i handle criticism

You can either use criticism in a positive way to improve, or in a negative way that can lower your self-esteem and cause stress, anger or even aggression. To deal with criticism positively may require good self-esteem and some assertiveness skills, you may find our pages: Improving Self-Esteem and Assertiveness useful. There are two types of criticism - constructive and destructive — learning to recognise the difference between the two can help you deal with any criticism you may receive.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. When challenged by another person, it is common to react in a negative manner. Consider how negative reactions make you look — and more importantly how they make you feel. The way in which you choose to handle criticism has a knock-on effect in various aspects of your life, therefore it is better to identify ways in which you can benefit from criticism and use it to your advantage to be a stronger and more able person.

The difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way in which comments are delivered. Although both forms are challenging your ideas, character or ability, when someone is giving destructive criticism it can hurt your pride and have negative effects on your self-esteem and confidence. Destructive criticism is often just thoughtlessness by another person, but it can also be deliberately malicious and hurtful. Constructive criticism , on the other hand, is designed to point out your mistakes, but also show you where and how improvements can be made.

Constructive criticism should be viewed as useful feedback that can help you improve yourself rather than put you down. When criticism is constructive it is usually easier to accept, even if it still hurts a little. In either scenario always try to remember that you can use criticism to your advantage. Some individuals are critical by nature and do not always realise that they are hurting the feelings of another person. If it's a teacher or a superior, then chances are the person only wants you to perform better; but when it's coming from a supposed friend, a frenemy, or even an enemy, then you have to wonder whether or not the person has your best interest in mind.

If you're sure that the criticism is completely invalid, totally off, and only meant to hurt you, then you can skip down to the second section to learn how to deal with destructive criticism.

Constructive criticism is, ideally, meant to help you. Destructive criticism is only intended to cause hurt. Try to focus on the message as well as the delivery. It's hard to see that a person really is telling you something legitimate that you can work on if he or she is yelling at you or just acting like you're a nuisance. Accept that you're not perfect. This is a great way to deal with criticism.

If you want to be able to take a little bit of feedback, then you can't keep thinking that you can do no wrong. Nobody's perfect, so if you think you're perfect, then you're nobody. Har, har. Okay, but seriously: every person has flaws, and if you don't see any of yours, then you're not analyzing yourself as closely as you should. Make a list of your 10 biggest flaws. That's right. Can you think of 10 things that need improvement? How about 15? This exercise isn't meant to make you feel bad about yourself; it's only meant to make you see that you have room for improvement.

Think about all of the people you know. Can you name a single one who is perfect who isn't a movie star? And remember that even most movie stars have some flaws, however visibly small they may be. Don't take it personally. If you want to know how to best deal with criticism, then you can't take it personally. If your boss says you've been a little less productive than usual lately, it's not because he thinks you're fat and lazy; it's because he wants you, his employee, to step up your game.

If your best friend says that you have a tendency to zone out when she's talking to you, don't think that she's calling you a horrible friend and a zombie; she just wants you to communicate a little better. If your teacher has given you rather critical feedback on a paper, it's not because she thinks you're stupid or annoying in class; it's because she thinks you have some work to do when it comes to making an argument.

Work on being less sensitive. If you always find yourself crying, getting defensive, and feeling generally upset when someone gives you what was supposed to be helpful feedback, then you have to start thickening your skin. Work on accepting your flaws and being able to hear about some areas where you can improve. If you never improve, then you'll be flat-lining, and you don't want that, do you?

Try to focus on the message and its intention to help you instead of focusing on all of the "mean" or "hurtful" things that were said to you. Think about where the message is coming from. Chances are, your boss didn't just send you a terse email to be a jerk or to make you feel bad.

He just probably wants you to do your job better. Control your emotions. You don't have to tear up every time someone says a negative word. Work on your reputation. If people think you are sensitive, they will be less likely to tell you the truth, and you don't want people to feel like they're walking around on eggshells whenever they talk to you.

Part 2. Understand what you're really being told. If you want to deal with criticism, then you have to understand the message behind it. If you've determined that the criticism is meant to be constructive, then you have to break it down so you can start figuring out what to do next. Sometimes, you may be focused on the hurtful aspects of the feedback and your pride may be too wounded for you to see what is right in front of you.

But was your teacher trying to tell you that you were stupid and a horrible writer? Probably not. She wanted to tell you to research your argument more, and to use more concrete evidence to back up your claims. It also wouldn't have hurt to actually meet the word limit, would it? If your friend told you you're obsessed with yourself, sure that hurts.

But could there be something helpful behind the message? Sure: your friend is telling you to be a little more empathetic, and to spend more time thinking about others and less time thinking about yourself.

See if there's some truth to it. If the feedback is coming from a person who has your best interest in mind, then you have to consider the possibility that there really is some truth to those words. It's even more likely if you've heard similar comments before. If ten people told you you were selfish, or if your last three girlfriends told you you were emotionally distant, then they can't all be wrong, can they?

Take a moment to consider the possibility that this person is really on to something. Make a game plan for addressing it. Okay, you've decided that your English teacher, boss, boyfriend, or best friend is completely right, or at least somewhat right. Now, you've got to write down the thing you need to work on, and make a plan for addressing it.

This can take a long time, and it's never too late to start. Once you come up with a plan, a way of adjusting your expectations and actions, you can begin to address the criticism and become a better person.

If your English teacher is right about you needing to do more research, then make a point of spending twice as much time reading up on your sources before you come up with an argument next time.

If your boss tells you you're disorganized, work on organizing your desk, Inbox, and your spreadsheets until you feel more in control. If your boyfriend tells you you're too needy, work on giving him some space by spending more time alone or with your girlfriends. Thank the person for being honest if he's also being kind. If you have received some criticism that was delivered in a friendly and helpful way, or just in a way that was meant to be honest and clear, then take the time to thank the person and to say that you appreciate the fact that the person told you something that can make you an even better friend, girlfriend, student, or professional.

Thanking people who give you honest criticism is also a sign of maturity. Suck it up and say "thank you" even if you're gritting your teeth. Stop making excuses. If someone is giving you valid criticism, stop making excuses for why that person is completely wrong, especially if you know that there is some truth to what he or she is saying. If you get defensive and make excuses, then the person won't be able to finish telling you exactly what he or she means, and you won't get the information you need to really improve.

It's natural that we feel defensive and get the feeling that we can do no wrong, but it's important to hear people out before you cut them off to prove you're perfect. If your teacher says you need to work harder, don't give her a lame excuse for why you've been slacking off. Instead, note the feedback and try to address it. It takes maturity to stay quiet instead of making excuses for why the person is wrong when you're getting valid feedback.

Remember that constructive criticism can make you a better person. Sure, it's tough to deal with even the most well-meaning criticism, especially if you're convinced you're perfect and that you can do no wrong.

But if you're so invested in being an awesome person, then remind yourself that being aware of your flaws and shortcomings and making a plan for addressing them will make you an even more amazing person. The next time you hear some constructive criticism, embrace it! It's kind of like what Kelly Clarkson said: "Whatever criticism doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Part 3. Understand the person's true motives. If you have recognized the criticism as completely destructive and hurtful, then you can think about why the person might have said such a thing to make yourself feel better. Maybe the girl was jealous of your new outfit and said you dress like a skank. Maybe a guy said you're not a good writer because he's jealous that you just published a story. Maybe the person was just in a bad mood and felt like taking it out on someone.

At times feeling hurt or angry is inevitable, and burying your feeling is not helpful. Therefore, speak up or write your feelings; however, let them out creatively and move on. The world has different kinds of people, and some thrive off weighing others down.

You may cut off interactions with people with a pattern of offering negative criticism. You will encounter constructive and destructive feedback from your family, friends, and colleagues, among others. However, you can handle criticism successfully by establishing its intent, responding calmly, acting of the feedback, and cutting ties with negative individuals.

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I vowed to myself I was no longer entertain her with immature arguments. It really bothered me by staying silent. I had to remove her from my life in order to have a Peace of mind.

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This takes nothing away from you. And without exception he usually wins! What do I do about this? Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Email adress:. Connect with us. Share Tweet. Assess if the Feedback provided is Constructive or Destructive There are several factors that you need to consider before making any decision. Show Gratitude to those who Offer Constructive Criticism Thank every person who offers you meaningful feedback, for they want you to succeed. Consider the Suggestions not the Tone of the Feedback Understand that some people may have valuable critical suggestions, but their tone and style of speaking may hamper the way you receive it.