Can you manipulate a narcissist

I have always had to deal with a narcissistic father,, mother, sister and now her brat kids. I have numerous health issues so it makes it hard to find a permanent job or any person that would help me. So, I am always drawn back to helping them out in order for them to help me. I wish I could use the NO Contact but cannot. I feel that would have saved me from a life of hell along with many other health issues.

But I did like the article. In my experience these things always start in childhood when the brain gets wired, that is why some people use psychotherapy, hypnotherapy and meditation to rewire the brain neuroplasticity later on when they realise it. In my experience these people then often keep attracting the same sort of dynamics in their life, so that is the other problem. What I would like, and appreciate all the blogs and the books and all that, is if there is anyone on here who is interested in activism and all that, is to campaign for screening.

Shrinks have all the tools to screen these sources the narcs but what they do instead is wait and see. When the target falls ill, they medicate the target while sources are roaming the streets. This is a difficult idea because many sources are in authority positions, so they will not want any sort of screeing introduced, why would they, they are having a field day. It would however be important because it is very difficult and troublesome to have to work our way out of these situations and indeed, these books are very helpful in these situations.

Still, ultimately it is legislation and screening that needs to be introduced for things to get better. Wow, you are giving advice on how the abused to stay abused.

Just do what the abusers wants. Keep him happy and so true be concerned about the abused needs. Dangerous advice. This adivce is not dangerous, its good. Narcissistic abuse starts with the target being in a position of dependency. Be that a child, an ill person, a prisoner, or an old person. Someone who is dependent while the narc is in an authority position.

So getting out if this situation and the dinamics that comes with it is not a quick thing and requires a strategy. This is a way to isolate the narc, and reduce the energy they drain off the target.

So most certainly a good strategy for a target who is on its way out. Because of the dependence and how the situation usually is, the target can not usually leave all together, its a process, and a difficult one, In any case the objective is always to move away from the narc and rebuild either alone or with people who are of a higher frequency. If anyone wants to see what a full blown narc is like in action and when they can practically do whatever they want, you can always look at some ww2 pictures.

Erosion and torture was rife. Survival skills are vital to staying sane. Like Evelyn said, its temporary. But temporary may be a couple years depending on the situation. I need some advice here. I am finishing up a year long divorce with a N. This man has controlled my life, isolated me from friends and family, and emotionally abused me. There were also a few incidences of domestic violence, but no police reports.

We just completed a trial and he dragged my name through the mud, made false accusations, and even had people lie on the witness stand for him.

Now I am trying to pick up the pieces and put my life back together. The one thing left I want is to move to another city about 30 miles away , but he is refusing to let me. We live in a very rich neighborhood and I can no longer afford to live there. I also want to get closer to my family. So now how can I play his game? This was a hot topic in mediation and court and he kept saying he will not let my daughter move.

His friends and family mean more to him than our child, and this move can put him significantly closer to them. His closest family to us is currently 25 minutes away and friends are about 30 minutes away. I am willing to give up some personal property to make him think he won again. I will compromise and give him MY cat that he desperately wants. I will even to offer to drive my daughter two and from school on the days he has her so he can get to work on time.

What else can I do to win his twisted game of control? Please help and any suggestions are appreciated. You are allowed to move to a different city. Narcissists take and take, and when you give a little they see it as weakness and use the opportunity to take even more. Otherwise, just move. He does not get to decide where you live. I was raised by my narcissistic maternal grandmother. Outsiders only know what a great woman she is.

Her few friends are either new friends or the ones she knows out of town. She is a very active member of her LDS church. She follows their guidelines and appears to be functioning well for Last year I sold it for twice what I paid, and I got nothing from it. She took it all. She successfully put me under constant lock and key, and I was too naive to realize.

I have to ask permission to include something in my wedding, if I want her to help. Hi Dear, You are safe here and are dealing with trauma from emotional abuse and invalidation and possible religious abuse as well. We have all been there. I was born into a herd of narcissists. Just start reading. You need to be listened to and heard and to read Truth and start with self care and self compassion. This is how healing starts.. It is a process…a journey…a commitment of self love you deserve…God bless, Evelyn.

I have a narc ex who is prone to rage — deliberate timed cruel humiliations. He disassociated from me after a shocking incident, I went no contact immediately. Three months later he began hoovering, also frightening and unexpected he had replaced me. The hoovering continued via post, email, late night visits when I blocked him. I painted a picture of my life to offer no clues.

My responses are never prompt, they are always polite patronising cliches. The hoovering is into its third year and my weaning is paying off.

NPD is the most predicable personality, even the language they use seems identical. He proved his duplicity by hoovering me during his romances, often attempting to groom me under the nose of his latest soulmate, I was this soulmate who was being juggled.

As we proceed through healing it is also important to not be triggered by them. I wrote these articles on how to maintain our self preservation if we have to deal with them and to help us understand how powerless they really are and how not to fear them. I end up without nothing had to start over again but we are safe. After yearsss I just turned 30 of fighting constantly with my dad because I refused to bend to his will like my other siblings, I have come into this wisdom thanks to discovering NPD after a 3 year relationship with a VERY covert Narcisist.

The scales truly did fall off my eyes and now I have a very sharp radar for them. Back to your tips; my dad has a habit of withholding upkeep money from my mum and younger brother who are the only only ones still living with him. He does this often especially after my mum decided to start her own business for some independence how dare she?! Especially me.. In his mind, since he can no longer control us who are grown and out he takes it out on my mum and lil brother. I woke up one morning and realized that I can put my emotional intelligence to good use.

I braced myself,flatter him, apologized and said I was having issues continuing my PhD program he claims its his idea for me to start even though I told him about it, months after I had started, in passing. Of course if I was living with him, I can only manipulate him on a short term basis because he tries to control every bit of our lives.

For women who are married to Narcissists, plot your way out and RUN. They suck the life out of you. That is how you turn darkness to light…and use your emotional intelligence and personal power to defuse them. Narcs are powerless without OUR power and use our fears, compassion, conscientiousness and false belief of powerless to manipulate us….

Once you figure them out, they are like mosquitoes…. Mine threatened to kill me twice, and then threatened to kill my dogs. Then my dog went missing. I hate him for what he did to me. But the pain of losing my dog is just beyond words. Do they have the capability of killing them? And why are they untouched when they commit crimes? Especially when alcoholism is involved. The problem is, I learned that my ex broke a federal law. So, I turned him in. He lost his 6 figure job and reputation, and like you said — things got worse.

I did not mean to scare you or anyone and am just offering options that you can or cannot choose from based on your circumstances.

Everyone deserves what they are due in accordance with the law, however the law does not take into consideration the nuances of our individual situations. YOU have to decide what your expectations are.

So it is a pros cons, cost benefit game. So take everything into consideration and do not forget to consider your emotional freedom and health and that of your children. All the power comes from the mother. And you will get yours back. Make a plan on how you will do it and figure out how much you actually need and what you can afford to do on your own.

Money is not everything and revenge does nothing but keep you transferring your healing power over to them. There can be no combat if you do not fight. Best wishes and blessings to you! I have a question my mother suffers from N. BTW my Mom is 34 I am 14 and she believes like usually narcs do she is entitled to control every aspect of my life including my emotions and my perceiving of the world.

That I will be bullied emotionally for the rest of our relationship is clear to me but at least I want to have some advantages till I am 18 and ready to move out -Dylan. Hi Dylan, You are amazing to educate yourself as much as you have and to know as much as you do at your age.

It is also important that you have someone you trust who you can rely on to discuss your feelings and to get good feedback. You will be fine. It is important too to learn how to deal with narcissists whether they are in your home or outside because they are everywhere.

Bullies are everywhere and they target nice people like you just like they target me and my daughter. Being 14 is a tough age because you are at that stage where you are no longer child but not an adult either. I taught my daughter very young to deal with narcissists and she is happy and healthy and finds them annoying but she keeps the upper hand and does not let them overpower her.

Your self worth and how YOU feel about yourself are very important. Learning give and take and how to compromise are very important too. Be sure to take good care of yourself and learn how to manage boundaries without getting super angry. I have several articles in this blog. If you email me at emr yahoo. Thank you for writing and I hope to hear back from you how things are going. You are safe and cared for here. I promise.

Best of luck to you! I am proud of all your hard work. Hugs, Evelyn. Thank you, Julio, for the feedback. Most people find this article brilliant as well…these strategies worked for my daughter and me perfectly. Remember to always keep your eye on your objectives.

Feel free to read more articles to learn to distinguish normal narcissistic behavior from pathological narcissism which is a permanent disorder in thinking that has no cure. If he needs adoration, he can get it from any number of the other women in the room. He will not get that from me. I can look right through him as if he is not there. He cannot stand that I have not run away and cowered in the corner like all his other victims.

He cannot stand that I can be in the same room with him and not fall apart like all his other victims. He needed me, not the other way around. GOOD for you! That is how you hang tough in truth and DO NOT let these powerless beings steal your power from you…shut down all your energy around him…. A scorned narc goes on character assassin campaigns.

Made my day! Hi Evelyn, I concur with all the strategies you shared. My dilemma is this: I was a stay at home mom for 13yrs of 3 boys. No degree. No family at all which means nowhere to go. All I want is a home and my boys. If I could have one wish come true right now it would be to be financially independent and not need one cent from that man!

I started back to school at a community college this past fall. I got 2 grants. I need a settlement to get on my feet with my boys and because we all know he will not pay what he is court ordered to monthly. The scariest part of all this is I know that I know he has it in him to seriously harm me.

Everyone I know tells me I need to get half of our assets and to fight it not for myself but for my boys because they deserve a home with me. I have had many share with me that they gave up everything and regret that they did. The many that did give up everything had family to go live with or received financial help from them.

I was an only child. My father is dead and my mother has never been apart of my life. She thinks the world owes her something and has been trying to control me. If I am walking in the streets with her and another woman walks by, I have to look the other way or look to the floor because right away is an argument. She swears that she is always right no matter what, constantly threatens me that she is going to kick me out and this is just too much for me to handle.

I know what you are going through and hopefully you can get things worked out for you. But he ended up blocking me because I made him angry once and just never cared so I was so hurt because we had been talking every day for like 6 months and it was just so heartbreaking for me so thats why I feel guilty about if I break his heart and he goes and gets himself killed in the military. I know im not crazy.

Last year January ,i started sexting a guy online. He said his partner saw our messages…. But he charmed me. But as time passed, i slowly got over it…then a few months ago he suddenly started messaging me again. I played it cool this time…soon, he started up all the flattery again..

I believe he was just using me , so that he could always be the one who made the rules…. Watching me message him desperately trying to meet him,i think he loved always being the one who had the control over the decisions! So we didnt meet, but we started sending explicit messages again for the 3 weeks he was away from home. He said we would have to not contact each other too frequently once he was home…. The morning after, he said no contact for a while as his partner was suspicious total lie as always was!

Never again will i fall for his narcissist ways!! I know now that he only wants to use me when away from home; also i think he hasnt actually got the balls to actually meet me! So he will get a shock next time he is working near where I live! Im going to play that narcissistic individual right back! Next time he starts us up again? But this year? Yeah; it hurt a bit. But this time? My daughter in law is the same. She also is manipulated by her mother. He sounds just like my husband.

Especially with all the heavy future faking used as love bombing. I am gong through the same thing with my son and my daughter in law, he does not see it. So very sad. She said you have lost your son and I asked my son if that is true, he hung his head and did not answer, when we tried to have her parents mediate. She answered and said the 2 are one and I am speaking for him. She controls, manipulates and everything I have read about it and looking at our situation she is a hoovering female naricissist.

They lived with us for awhile, and some days were good and other days were not, the ups and downs and the control she has over my son is truly heartbreaking and now she will be keeping our 3 beautiful grandchildren from us and is seperating him from us.

She claims we are toxic but the only toxic I see is her. Faking, love bombing, going out clubbing and leaving her husband home to watch the kids. My son does everything for here, he is a very good man. I felt it in the beginning but I did not want to lose my son behind not speaking up, now that I have I have lost him anyway while going through hell. She caims my husband is a narrissist and her ex-husband is, but looking at everything that has transpired in this home, the description fits her.

She also has a shoppig addiction and does not handle the finances properly, heart breaking, it trulyis. I have questioned myself and went out of my way to try and help and it all is thrown back at me, making me think I am messed up.

In my heart now I now this is not true. I have broke down and cried but realize I am powerless in this situation, let go and let God is all I can do. It is so heart breaking. I am reading this and realizing I have been in the same relationship for 12 years now, my husband passed away , I met this new man who is law enforcement he was wonderful fir the first few years , then I noticed this angry manipulative.

Emotionally abusive person. I walked on egg shells for a long time. Literally I get along with everyone, he runs weirder very high in mood or very low , I never know which mood he will be in.

I always think he will change. Am I loosing my mind? I am a widow and my son and daughter in law were who have two small children were living in my home.

My daughter in law law has always resented me. It is like they never existed because I never see them again.

She has taken things with very sentimental value which is heart breaking. She just looks me straight in the face and lies to me.

Recently she took something of great financial and sentiment value. It was a collection that it took my husband years to complete. She and my son were having some issues and she moved out but they will be back together again.

What should I do? My son will take her side as she has him totally convinced I am wrong and bad for making accusations. She even took all my baby picture.

Any suggestions? You just described my daughter in-law. My son is still with her after 20 years. He no longer is allowed to have anything to do with his side of the family, including his nephews. He does sneak and call his brother occasionally, but not often. I finally had to cut my son out of my life as well as his 11 year old daughter. My only granddaughter. My heart breaks over it everyday but I could no longer deal with the abuse. I seemed to be her favorite target. We were always a very close family and I never ever dreamed I would not have a relationship with my youngest son.

They would do that off and on all the time with no reason. My son told me after his father died that he blamed me because he no longer had a relationship with his father when he died. I asked him who he will blame when I die. No response. Anyway, all this has made me have extreme trust issues. My girlfriend I met online is moving here with me as soon as this covid is taken care of to open world wide plane flights.

Any time we talk they want to cut me down for anything I did in the past. Just the other day they stole my microwave there next door neighbor gave me. They bought one that was broken and I told them about my microwave. I moved out over there controlling me.

I went back to get my microwave step dad and real mother stated they bought it. They will not look on there account to prove they bought it when that is not possible because they did not. That is so stupid. Any conflict they cut me down for my past. They can cause all types of problems but I cannot get even little mad at them. They explode in anger. Step dad takes what belongs to me by force. I had shoulder surgery and took advantage of that stealing my things.

I have a killing more experience than he does. He was navy pilot and retired flying for FedEx. He is retired from both. They think the world rotates around them. They both so negative. Step dad a deacon in the Catholic Church will a evil spirit inside of him. He is a false prophet. By the way my girlfriend works at a mentally challenged people of all ages. She told me they both r narcissistic. I looked it up and wow a lot what it says is them a lot not them. They like social gatherings and put on a great persons front.

Never live with them if struggling. Demons will come out controlling u. I bought a Chevy Z71 and mom cut me down for it a lot. They will not let me be my own person. I disowned them for there greediness and controlling attitude. His actions are not your responsibility. Good Luck. Hi Lana I hope your feeling better in such difficult times. Yes my son became aggressive towards me it broke my heart not keeping in touch fully in lockdown even though he had a father at risk and not keeping in touch with his sister a very ill young woman.

We all felt we were walking on egg shells. Our son has become withdrawn lacks confidence totally changed sometimes withdrawn sometimes angry thankfully sometimes loving. I hope that through the years there have been times when you have found peace and love and i hope with all my heart you carry on finding that love you so deserve.

Then next day, its over they said. They started painting me as the evil one. I emailed the mom and asked the mom — does leah have money problems and mental health issues as she just loved bombed me and wanted me to sign a lease with her yet her dog just viciously attacked my dog and I got blamed!

She married a 50 year old when she was 28 and milked the guy. So, I emailed him as well to find out more. Letting everyone know what she just did to me with love bombing and gaslighting nearly tangling me into a lease for a year. Anyhow, to top off the fantasy island gone to hell I emailed the family and told them of the circus of a time we had at my hotel then told them that Leah should be tested for an STD, just to put the cherry ontop of things.

She had 0 boundaries in that regards. I have always been so independent and from the beginning I have always told him I just wanted him to love me for who I am and respect me. Well he tends to find always something wrong with me. I have a busy job as well as he does. Well I have discussed this issue with my family and not to call me or get me involved with issues the family is having.

He has told me as far as my parents they can always call me as long as it had nothing to do with drama. He told me all he wants is to come home to someone everyday, wake up to next to someone everyday and of course put him first before anything or anyone else.

I have a 22 year old son that I raised on my own since he was 6 because we lost his father due to a fatal accident. Are these all signs of Narcs?? I read your story, you posted it on my birthday last year.

That is some awful stuff to do to a child… hopefully the two brothers can let it be a thing of the past! I have been dealing w my gf oc 6 and half years ,in the last year esp,w bringing an e treme nar assissit.

I left to get my life together in Nov ,I told no one. So she stays w me,one year ago this week. Didnt kiss me,nothing. She says f you. Well she says sorry but I stopped talking for 2 weeks. I refuse to say we are dating,she tells me she trying to hurt me.

She finally got better in august,stYed w me. Sept at end was begining of end. She was t. We split got back split. This last time accusing me of taking 5 quarters off her shelf ones I found.

She and i met at mall few times,but i feel nothing. Terrible experiences Ive had with narcissistic men. If you are at risk of hurting yourself or others, please immediately call or go to the nearest Crisis Center or Emergency Room.

You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, available 24 hours a day: Call I just had to send a heartfelt thankyou! Finally what I have been living with for what seems like a lifetime grom my daughter has been explained and I am free. If the manipulator is a psychopath, their intense presence and laser-like focus on their victim will cause a trance-like state.

He or she will become hyper-focused on the manipulator and vice-versa. Everything they say and do seems undeniably right if for no other reason than pure force of will power. The goal is to render the victim psychologically defenseless.

If the victim is in a trance or has previously been manipulated by the abuser, with just one incident of such behavior the victim can become conditioned and trained to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator ever again.

The goal is to establish dominance or superiority, and complete and unquestionable compliance, over victims through fear. This is typically done when the victim is extremely outmatched by their manipulator either mentally, physically, economically, or socially. Manipulators unconsciously project their own unwanted feelings and problems onto the victim.

Scapegoating is a deliberate act of torment against another person for the cathartic pleasure of the manipulator and their cohorts. Is a form of community mobbing and organized stalking combined. Just like you have workplace mobbing, and online mobbing, which are both fully recognized as legitimate, this is the community form.

It is the targeting of an individual for revenge, jealousy, sport, or to keep them quiet, etc. Helpful Resources. Recommended Reading. What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

How Do Narcissists Control You? What Is Narcissistic Word Salad? Blaming The Victim of Narcissism. Everybody has possibly used or do use some of these behaviors from time to time, but all of these are considered antisocial, and are indicative of personality disorders. Often times these patterns of manipulative behavior are insidious and they might take years to see and realize in others especially if you have been abused before or are overly forgiving.

This was very helpful. Very detailed and a lot of categories I never thought or heard about before, but have experienced. Thank you. We have lost My Mother to a manipulator. There is no organizations or helplines that have believed our story. Every now and then I attempt to reach out and communicate with my Mother, but then she is punished for it. This is a 87 year old woman.

Im so sorry for your situation. You are doing your best for your mother and you will find the help that she needs. She has deliberately developed her own gang of girl employees around her that she uses to intimidate. However I will be lodging a complaint when I leave, with examples of her bad behaviour if nothing else but to get her name out there.

Mud sticks in the end when enough gets thrown. Source: The term word salad or its more formal name schizophasia refers to a form of disorganized and unintelligible speech that is characteristic of some forms of severe mental illness.

Seemingly random phrases or words are linked together. The term word salad is often associated with the psychotic disorder called schizophrenia.

NPD Meaning: The term narcissistic word salad is essentially a misuse of an important psychological term. Instead of referring to an involuntary verbal sign of a severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia, it is being used as a slang term for a type of narcissistic speech that is purposefully confusing.

Listeners find narcissistic word salad extremely frustrating because the narcissist is using circular reasoning, outright lies, denial, or mischaracterizations of past events to avoid being wrong or having to take responsibility for something.

Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Lying 2. Insinuating Comments 3. Discourage and Criticize 4. Diminish and Dismiss 5. Monitor and Stalk 6.

Intrude and Interrupt 7. Deflection, Diversion, and Evasion 8. Amplification 9. Emotional Blackmail Emotional Barriers Guilt Trip Inappropriate Restrictions Threats Objectifying Shaming Blaming Invalidation Silent Treatment